I just got back from Amy's, and I'm in a really good mood. She's amazing... she's really changed my viewpoints on life, and my place in the world. I used to tote ideologies and beliefs about totalitarianism and control being the answer.... but I'm not so sure now. Now that I've been lucky enough to be with someone like her, I'm not quite sure I believe in a world where such things wouldn't exist. The scary thing is that... that world can exist. It's a vision meant for the good of mankind, and I'm not the only person who's had it. It's beautiful and disgusting.... a world bent on balance, equality, and peace... a world with no suffering. A world without irrationality, without hatred, without sorrow, where crimes never go unpunished.. where there are no crimes, where there are no regrets, where there are no hopes. This ideal has potential, and while I wholly believe in it's necessity, after I've been with Amy for this long, I've realized that there are very beautiful things in the world. They may be outweighed and guised by the disgusting surface of this world... but all people deserve to feel this kind of thing. In a different mood, I would argue that millions suffer... and the minority of this world which enjoys it's existence should be willing to give up such beautiful things for the benefit of all. Maybe my mind will change in the future.... who knows, all I know is that now I don't really want a part of it. I'm still going to write Totus Socialis Unitas, or The Unition, but I have no plans to publish it. It's an idea which has merit, but if mankind truly needs that idea in the near or distant future, he will devise it himself, or he will find my book.

 

I love you Amy, and I always will, no matter what. I'm a horrible person sometimes... I never really think before I act, and it's only after that I feel horrible. I'm no better than a lot of the people I criticize, reality knows I've my share of flaws; but you make me a much better person.... you've been there for me where I've been alone or abandoned by others. I don't lament useless persons... a few have come and gone from my life, though not all were at fault, and I've many times been the cause of my own sorrows. I'm yours 100% Amy, and thats the way it will always be, for as long as you want me. Love, as I see it, is sacrifice. It's commitment... it's not doormat'ism, it's reciprocal. I can see you and think with certainty that you're all I want, and will ever want. I've changed a lot over the years... I look back on certain things and I do feel some regret on how they turned out, but they were precise turns on a path to this point in time. The world feels like it's slowed down... like the heartbeat of events has slowed down, or as I've drifted farther from that heart beat. A lot of the people whom I used to associate with seem disinterested in whatever connections I had with them... but eh. It happens eventually. I know a lot of people dislike or hate me, either for stupid or justified reasons. I'm tired of hating people.

 

Anyways I'm done now, I love you Amy , forever. It's been a very long time since I've written one of these =) I hope that when you read this Amy, it will make you smile, and that maybe any other readers will glean something from it.

 

The title of this blog? Tonight, I've been inspired to write a new book. I've had the idea of The Worm King floating around in my head, but now it's formulating into something more solid, it's a philosophical/fantasy/dark-ish lovestory fairytale thing, about a boy called Eifah, who goes on a journey to find a girl he's in love with after she vanishes from their hometown. Sappy eh? It's meant to portray the darkest and most just parts of mankind, the dualities and complexities of what we view as right and wrong, the essences of sorrow, hatred, happiness; you get it I guess. I'll be updating my blog hopefully as regularely as possible with installments onto the story.

 

bye.. =]